My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
