i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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