I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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