I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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