Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
