He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
