The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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