hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
