next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
