were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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