I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
