found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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