Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i think my cat just said my name.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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