The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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