so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He better not be in your backpack
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
