remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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