We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
