you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
