where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
