Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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