um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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