I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize