Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
