My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
