party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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