I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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