I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
and you fell through a lawn chair
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
