my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
