Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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