Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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