Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
