I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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