are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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