I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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