I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
