The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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