And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
