I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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