shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will be naked everywhere
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
