i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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