im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.