You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Even my vagina gasped.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
