Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
