Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
