Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize