The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
