Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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