I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
