dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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