Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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