Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
