I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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