The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
