found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
