Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
