we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
