you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am available for nakedness
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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