drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize