i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
