I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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