Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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