you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I deserve this hangover.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
