i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He better not be in your backpack
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
