When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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