so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
