return my video game
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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