I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
