Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
