you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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