Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
